PSA ON NOS ENERGY DRINK

I get over to our Fort Thomas store the other morning to find a lengthy correspondence from Corey (our night manager there) to Sean (our store manager) regarding the new NOS energy drink. It was a laugh riot so I thought I’d share:

“Sean –

A few thoughts on our new energy drink, NOS:

1. Great packaging (the reason I tried it),
2. Tastes like amped-up Fresca,
3. REALLY hurts my stomach,
4. Makes my cheeks tingle (not really sure what that’s about)
5. Within 5 minutes my legs were, at the same time, a little numb and very twitchy,
6. I think it cleaned my teeth,
7. I can’t stop smiling,
8. 10 minutes in, and I am beginning to feel light-headed,
9. I think I am beginning to hate this drink
10. I think it has improved my hearing… I am listening to conversations across the parking lot,
11. It makes me want to talk like a gansta for some reason,
12. 20 minutes in now… serious lack of coordination, but I honestly believe that I could bench press a Buick,
13. We must never allow (name withheld) to consume this,
14. I think I am beginning to love this drink, but I am starting to become rather aggressive
15. I just threw up a little,
16. One hour later… I’m beginning concerned… I’ve now pee’d more than I’ve consumed,
17. One hour and 15 minutes… this little experiment is losing its entertainment factor,
18. Hour-and-a-half: Wow! The “crash” is of epic proportions. I find myself suddenly curious about heroin,
19. May the fleas of a thousand camels infect the nose hairs of the person responsible for bringing this stuff into our store,
20. I hate myself.”

I think this should serve as a lesson for those of us wanting a little pick-me-up a little faster than we should be allowed.